There is No 600th Floor, Kid
by mirasecret
Summary: The line he was required to say but didn't quite believe.


Of course he accepted the job. Who wouldn't? He got immortality in return for guarding the entrance to Olympus. Pretty good job, right?

After he accepted, George had questions. Who was he allowed to let in? How did he determine if he had to turn someone away. And most importantly, how did he tell people who were looking for the 600th floor to get lost?

"Tell them that there is no 600th floor," Zeus told him before he disappeared in a shimmer of gold light. George nodded. Sounded easy enough, right?

Dead wrong.

...

The first time he used that phrase, he mistook Hermes for an ordinary FedEx delivery person. "There is no 600th floor, kid," he said before going back to his book.

Hermes glared and took out his calcedus which was in the form of a small pepper spray dispenser. Two snakes curled around it and George paled before hitting a button underneath the desk. "So sorry, Lord Hermes!" he gasped out. "I didn't know! I didn't-"

To his surprise, Hermes burst out laughing. "It's fine, it's fine! Apollo's gonna get a kick out of this one! A measly guard calling a god a kid! Ha!"

George chuckled weakly and waved Hermes through.

After that, he was a little more cautious.

...

The next incident he had was quite a bit more... catastrophic.

George was reading when two kids wearing purple shirts raced in while holding a third. "Can I help you gentlemen?" he asked politely. "600th floor," the one on the right gasped out. "It's urgent."

George raised an eyebrow. "There is no 600th floor, kid."

"Look," the guy on the left snapped. "Unless you want the son of Jupiter to die, I suggest you let us up!"

George blinked in confusion. _Jupiter?_ Holy Zeus, the Romans were out there too?

"Please," the kid in the middle gasped. George frowned. "If you're pranking me, it's your fault. I'm not loosing my job over something I wasn't aware of." The boys shot him confused looks. George sighed and pushed the button under his desk. "Have a nice day."

He really needed a pay raise after this.

...

When George first met the wisdom goddess, he nearly needed to change his pants.

George was minding his own business when a young woman with black hair and stormy gray eyes knocked on his desk, startling him from his book. His head snapped up and she smiled.

"Ah, _War and Peace_. One of the finer works of literature that mortals have created. Do you enjoy reading?" she inquired.

George nodded. "Keeps me from getting too bored. How can I help you today, Miss?'

"600th floor, please," she asked politely. He chuckled. "There's no such thing, ma'am. I'm very sorry."

She smirked. "Oh, I guarantee that it exists. I live there most of the time when I'm not touring Universities. Please let me through."

George shook his head. "Look, ma'am, if there was such thing, I'd let you in in a heartbeat. But there's not so I'm really going to have to ask you to leave."

She laughed softly. "Believe me when I tell you that you don't want me for an enemy. One of my daughters once compared me to a Slytherin in the fact that I'm cunning, ambitious, and strategic. I will only ask you one more time. Let me in."

He frowned slightly. "Unfortunately, ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you a few questions before I let you through, security and all. Who is you godly parent?"

"Zeus," she crossed her arms. George gaped slightly at her in disbelief. "Has the Oath been broken?"

She chuckled darkly. "Oh, not at all. My mother is Metis. Perhaps you've heard of her?"

George paled and smashed the button. "Of course, My Lady, my apologies."

He leaned back after letting her through. She was right; there was no way anyone wanted to be an enemy of Athena.

...

A few decades later and he was just about done with his required line. He had said it approximately 457, 238, 926, 221 times by his count.

Most of the people who used the elevator to get to Olympus were demigods. The only problem was, he had to first check and make sure that one of their parents was a god. According to Zeus, there had been a nasty incident a century ago where the current guard let in a mortal. Suffice to say, that hadn't ended well.

But today was different.

Zeus' lightning bolt had been stolen.

George had been given specific instructions of what to do if someone came through with it.

Unfortunately, he had manage to forget them as a demigod came through with it.

"600th floor, please."

George looked up and smiled condescendingly at the kid in the dirty clothes with the backpack. "There is no 600th floor, kid."

He leaned forward like he was someone much superior. George frowned. The nerve of this kid!

"I need to see Zeus."

George raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in the same way the kid did. "Lord Zeus doesn't have meetings without an appointment," he told the kid quietly. George sat back smugly. "Now get lost."

"You know, I really think he'll want to see me-"

George made a shooing motion with his hand and tried to go back to his book. The kid put his hand down on the desk hard.

George looked up annoyed. "Look, kid, I already told you, there is no 6-"

He froze as the kid showed him what was in the backpack. "That isn't-" he paled. "Yeah," the kid contradicted him. "Yeah, it is. Now are you gonna let me through?"

George frantically hit the buzzer and slumped down in his chair groaning.

It looked like he wasn't getting that pay raise after all.

...

Many other incidents occured over the next couple of years, the most memorable being when George met the Queen of the gods.

"Humph."

George looked up from the game he was playing on his hPhone.

"So this is the dunderhead my husband hired?" a woman wearing a silk dress with peacock feathers braided through her hair stood in front of him.

He smiled pleasantly. "Can I help you, ma'am?"

She frowned. "I don't know, can you? Can you help me get my husband to stop cheating on me, even though he's been doing it the last millenia? Can you get him to tell me that he loves me unconditionally? Because I don't know who can, and I- I-" she promptly burst into tears.

"Hey," George said and dug around his desk for a kleenex as the woman sobbed. "Hey, it's gonna be alright. Just calm down. Ma'am, please calm down!"

George vaulted over his desk and caught the woman as she sank to the ground in tears.

Slowly, the woman stopped sobbing and carefully stood up, wiping her eyes with the kleenex George had offered her. She gave him a shaky smile. "Thank you for your kindness. Will you let me up?"

George sucked in a sharp breath. "You're Hera, aren't you?" he asked. She laughed lightly. "Why yes, yes I am."

George reached around and pushed the button under his desk. "Ma'am, I hope you have a nice day."

She smiled. "Somehow, I doubt that, but thank you all the same."

...

One of the most memorable times in George's career would have to be the day it all went to Hades.

Someone knocked on his desk. He held up a finger as he tried to finish the page of the fifth Harry Potter book. Someone knocked on his desk again.

He slammed the book down and glared. "I'm a bit busy."

He kept his panic in when he relized who was at his desk. Percy Jackson, the sea spawn. And by the looks of it, all of Camp Half-Blood. He tried for an easy smile. "Field trip?"

Percy shook his head. "600th floor please."

He shrugged. "There isn't a 600th floor, kid. Now get lost."

Percy leaned across the desk. "Fifty demigods attract a lot of monsters. Are you sure you want that in your lobby?"

George frowned and hit the button.

"You don't want us to go through the metal detectors," Percy reminded him.

"No, " George agreed. "i guess you know the way."

Percy tossed him a drachma on his way past.

George rubbed his eyes. If an army was coming through, he really isn't want to be caught in the crossfire. Time to abandon ship.

...

George was having a bad day.

Olympus was closed, so he couldn't let anyone up. It got very annoying very quickly having to listen to the pleas of Hunters, demigods, and Amazons. George was just about done.

Then the elevator dinged.

George cautiously turned around and watched as the doors slid open.

The twelve Olympians rushed out dressed in battle armor and carrying weapons of their choice. They ran out of the Empire State Building and out into the street. Athena raised her fingers to her mouth and whistled. Twelve war chariots descended from the sky and the gods climbed aboard. They took off and flew in the direction of the Atlantic Ocean.

George shook his head. Why they didn't call their rides and just fly down from Olympus was beyond him. But then again, he had seen Apollo walk into the lobby wearing nothing but a speedo and a fedora.

The gods defied all logic and reason.

...

Ten hours later and the Olympians trudged into the lobby. Their armor was cracked in some places and covered in blood. Ares was cackling madly.

"Erm..." George said. "Good fight?"


End file.
